Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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