So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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