I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
