Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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