i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
