i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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