I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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