So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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