thus making me awesome and them whores
So many bounce houses so little time
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
