I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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