I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
