I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
