Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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