why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
