When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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