In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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