She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
