My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
