; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
