Do you still have your period?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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