turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize