What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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