oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
