When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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