I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
