the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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