He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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