Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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