Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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