I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
