Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
