Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
