He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
