and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
