just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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