are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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