i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
