Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
