i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You ruined the universe
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
