He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
