So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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