The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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