dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
