I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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