well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
