he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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