dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
