Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
