Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
