He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
