didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
