have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
