I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
