It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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