Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
