Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
