do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
