this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
