Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
