At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
