What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
