I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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