Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
