Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
