I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize