Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
