hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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