Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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