So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
