I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
