yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
