So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
nutella sex= disaster
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
