3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am available for nakedness
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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