tell your sister to shave her snatch
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
