If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
