That's intense
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
