My friends, they love my intelligence
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
