I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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