walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
