Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
