True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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