Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
