Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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