Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
