Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
