Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
