thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
