i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My vagina is officially offended.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
