i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
As shirtless as possible
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He has the fingertips of a God
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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