I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
