tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
