I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
