Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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