she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
