Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
