I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
