ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
