Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
