I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
