Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
